The Impact of Language on Your Reality
I Am So Busy
New words immediately increase resilience because language impacts our experience. Language does more than just convey information; it shapes our reality. Language choice is powerful. How we talk to our colleagues, team members, and customers matters. Do you know who else it matters to? You. Why? Because you hear you.
A Short Story
There was a time in my life when I was between surgeries—the first surgery was to remove a benign tumor and the second surgery was to repair the nerve damage caused by the first surgery. In the nine months between surgeries was hell. The pain was so intense it literally limited my ability to connect with others. I had difficulty walking. I couldn’t get dressed without involuntarily crying out. It was crackers, as my friends across the pond would say.
I went to see several doctors from the same healthcare system in an attempt to figure out why after 6 weeks I was still in so much pain. I was dismissed by three different doctors from the same healthcare system. One told me, “It’s all in your head.” The other told me, “I can’t help you.” And one doctor even asked me, “Why do you keep coming back when there is nothing wrong with you?”
I went to a different healthcare system. There I met Dr. Zheng is a pain specialist from the University of Pennsylvania. She saved my life. She took one look at me and told me she knew exactly what had happened and what the issue was. To be heard and seen is healing in itself. As we worked together, preparing for the second surgery, I learned the power of word choice in a very visceral way. And of course, finally being prescribed Gabapentin didn’t hurt either.
The Power of Word Choice
During the nine months between the surgeries, I learned that word choice is crucial. I had always known that words could create drama or provide comfort, but in dealing with pain, the right words became essential to my experience. I learned to avoid using the word “pain”, but to consider using the word “sensation”. I learned to say, “I have this perception of feeling a sensation in my chest. The sensation is intense.” This not only helped me manage the physical experience but also changed my emotional response to it. I stopped embodying pain when I stopped saying, “I am in pain”.
I was further supported by my mindfulness coach, Beth Mulligan. She encouraged me to explore these sensations with a gentle curiosity—What size was the sensation? Did the sensation move or remain steady? What parts of my body did not feel any sensation?
Nonsense?
I might have thought so too before pain temporarily stole my dignity from me. But the truth of the matter is it worked.
Reflecting on Everyday Language: The Language of Leadership
This experience led me to reflect on how we, as leaders, describe our days and communicate with our teams. Are we creating more overwhelm with the words we use? Common expressions like “I’m so busy,” “Gotta run,” or “Let me run to the bathroom” may seem harmless, but they contribute to a culture of constant urgency and stress. It’s worth considering why we use such phrases and whether they serve us well.
Historically, leisure and stillness were seen as virtues. Today, however, being perpetually on the brink of a breakdown is often worn as a badge of honor. This shift in values is reflected in our language, and it’s affecting our well-being.
What’s My Point?
My point is that in our culture our language is contributing to our problem. How has talking about how busy you left you feeling better? Have you felt a sense of peace when saying you are “catching up” on your email? If it’s all the same, why not try something different. What might it look like to say, I am working on my emails. What might it feel like to just excuse yourself for a moment and walk to the restroom. Inviting you to consciously choose different words today. Describe your tasks and your state of being in ways that reduce stress and promote a more balanced perspective.
This lesson about the power of language, learned through personal pain and professional leadership, continues to resonate with me. Let it serve as a reminder that we have the power to reshape our world, one word at a time.
