This holiday season, topics around how to care for oneself and stay emotionally stable flood the internet. And this is not a bad thing. The holiday season is an intense time. Family expectations, friend expectations, employee expectations…it would be silly to think that we, as one person, could meet the expectations of the masses. Or perhaps we take a different approach and standing guard, being ready to announce when one of our boundaries has been crossed. Either approach is no doubt why so many of us cringe during the holiday season or “hurricane season” and wonder if a Hallmark Holiday is even possible.
“I need to work on my boundaries with others”. That sentence in and of itself requires one to bring a gentle curiosity to the conversation. It begs the question, does the speaker understand what setting boundaries actually is?
Another common sentence people say is, “They crossed my boundary”. Again, this is an invitation to bring a gentle curiosity to the conversation. This sort of insinuates a misunderstanding about establishing boundaries. There might be a different way to consider the idea of establishing boundaries.
Now, let me be clear, boundaries are essential to living life well. And they are important because they help you protect yourself…well, from you. Consider that the idea of establishing boundaries isn’t for other people, but rather establishing boundaries is about establishing parameters for yourself.
For example:
- Going to bed on time so that you can show up to be your best self the next day.
- Choosing to honor the stress or fatigue you feel by sitting still for a moment with your eyes closed.
- Not accepting invitations sent to you by individuals who are not in a healthy space or have not been honest with you in the past.
- Limiting your time on the phone with family members or friends who have a history of hurting you for the sake of hurting you.
- Limiting your meeting times to 25 to 50 minutes instead of the standard 30 or 60 minutes.
- Silencing notifications so you are not interrupted at all hours of the day.
The theme here is that the boundary is placed on your behavior. The boundary is not placed on others and their actions. You are the one that needs to honor your boundaries.
There is wisdom in accepting the truths of life. Such as we will all grow old. We will all be separated from the ones we love. We will all get sick. You can only control yourself.
Understanding that boundaries are for you allows you to live life with greater ease. You no longer need to be the referee of others. You only need to referee yourself. Protect yourself from you this holiday season. Create three boundaries that you will honor for yourself. Your future self will thank you.
