Getting advice is usually annoying. However, there are other times when receiving advice is nothing short of a miracle. What makes the difference?
Even when we know what we are doing isn’t working, unsolicited advice is rarely helpful or interpreted as supportive. And then there are times we actively seek out guidance. We pay for coaching, mentorship, and consulting. We explain the situation, giving lots of details about what we have done, our current state and where we want to go. Our paid guide takes it all in.
Then comes the point where it’s our turn to listen to the feedback. We listen. We dialogue back and forth. We hang up the phone. And then something strange happens. We don’t act on the advice we not only asked for but paid for.
What is going on?
Sometimes, as entrepreneurs and leaders, we want to see evidence that what we are doing isn’t helping, at all. We understand we aren’t getting the results we want, but we aren’t sure if it’s what we are doing or if we just need to tweak something we are already doing. Hence, we reach out for guidance. But then, when we find out that our focus needs to shift, we struggle. We are attached, unwilling to immediately let go and to pivot. After all, how could we be flat-out wrong in our entire approach?
It isn’t that we don’t believe our coaches; rather, we don’t see what they see…yet. We don’t see how we are wasting our time because we are too busy wasting our time. Advice is like a seed. It needs time to germinate. It needs water, sunshine, and good soil. It doesn’t need someone yelling at it and leaving it out in the cold (aka nagging, upset, silence).
Consider the five stages of change:
- Precontemplation: Everyone else sees the issue. We don’t yet. This may be a time when a coach asks us, “Have you considered?”
- Contemplation: We start thinking about the guidance given. We sort of wrestle with it. We have thoughts like, “I don’t like this. I do like this. I don’t like them anymore. They don’t know what they are talking about. They really know what they are talking about.”
- Determination: We see what our coaches see. We see what our team sees. We see the problem. We often wonder why in the world we didn’t see it sooner. We prepare to pivot, to make the change.
- Action: We start taking action. People notice.
- Maintenance: We have implemented the change. We watch for old patterns of behavior to show up again; if they do, we notice and return to our new way of being.
Developing trust, respect, and a solid relationship with the individual we receive guidance from is critical. After all, we can’t see what they see, so in essence, we are letting them lead us blindly until our sight catches up with theirs. The other part is understanding that any change takes time. As annoying and frustrating as it can be not to see what others see, giving ourselves and others space throughout this process is essential, especially in the first two phases, when the seeds are just being planted.
Audrey Simmons, Team of Greats
