When we share about a past failure, we communicate to our teams that making mistakes, learning and adapting our ways is part of the human experience. We also send the message that it is safe to talk about mistakes, creating psychological safety within our teams and organizations. Admitting to a mistake or shortcoming is uncomfortable for anyone. It takes confident vulnerability.
Leaders are often portrayed as being brave, resilient, wise and strong. So talking about a weakness or when we felt insecure requires humility. It can feel uncomfortable, almost risky. We might fear losing credibility or being judged. Afterwards we can feel as if we shared too much, experiencing a feeling now termed as a vulnerability hangover. However research shows when leaders did share past learnings it did not change their reputation as being effective and competent (Cable).
Vulnerability confidence is the confidence it takes to talk about times when we didn’t get it right. Often these moments were painful, requiring us to take ownership, learn and grow. To be humble voluntarily can be inspirational to our teams. As we role model the embodiment of our values, oftentimes others feel inspired to do the same. So how does one start being more vulnerable?
Here are a few ideas:
- Admit to a mistake
- Apologize
- Say “I don’t know”.
- Talk about a personal failure
- Acknowledge others who inspire you and tell them why
- Show gratitude
The amazing part of this is as we become more comfortable with who we are, our own confidence increases. It turns out that not only is there safety in our defenselessness but also there is self-confidence (Haden).
References:
Cable, Dan. “How to Build Confidence About Showing Vulnerability.” Harvard Business Review, 14 July 2022
Haden, Jeff. “To Be More Confident, Be More Vulnerable: 8 Counterintuitive Ways to Build Confidence.” Inc., 17 May 2017
